Friday, 20 November 2009
Little Billy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, "Well Billy, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy you just anything you want. So, why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead."
After his resulting temper tantrum, his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down with a pen and paper and started to write his letter to Jesus.
I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle.
Now, Billy knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (a pretentious little brat!), so he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.
I've been an OK boy this year and would really appreciate a new bicycle.
Well, Billy knew that this wasn't totally honest, so he tore it up and tried again.
I've thought about being a good boy this year so can I have a bicycle?
Well, Billy looked deep down in his heart, which was actually what his mother really wanted him to do. He knew he had been a little s**t and basically deserved nothing. He crumpled up the letter and threw it in the rubbish bin with all the others and went running outside.
He wandered around aimlessly for some time, depressed because he realised that he treated his parents really badly and that he needed to consider his actions.
He finally found himself in front of a Catholic Church. Billy went inside and knelt down. He looked all around and realised that he didn't really know what to do.
Suddenly, an idea began to form in his head. He got up and started towards the door. As he was passing all the statues, he suddenly grabbed a small one and ran full speed out of the door. He ran all the way home without stopping or looking back and went straight up to his bedroom. The statue was hidden under his bed, and he grabbed the pen and paper again and started to write.....
I've got your mother!
If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike.
YOU KNOW WHO!
Hope I haven't offended anyone!!!!!
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
The title of this blog may give you a clue as to why but may leave you wondering. It's not a play on words or anything like that, it is simply a fact. To explain:
On returning from a day in Cheshire to visit the out-laws, we were travelling along the M6, minding our own business and singing along to Meatloaf. This is quite a normal sort of journey for SWMBO and I, but on this occasion, we had our youngest daughter and her three kids in the car too. And yes it does have 6 seats in it, before anyone has a go at me! It is, or rather was, a Grand Espace, so we can have six seats and still fit SWMBO's power chair and other necessary travel accoutrement's into the back. Our daughter has brought up her kids to appreciate Meatloaf, but we had never heard it sung in three different tempo's with three different sets of words before. After a while, we were forced to slow down by the weight of traffic and the fact that the overhead signs told us there was an accident ahead. We spent about ten minutes slowing and accelerating, as per usual in these situations, before coming to a dead stop in the centre lane. Either side of us the traffic was at a standstill too. About 7 or 8 seconds after we stopped, and just as Meatloaf's "Bat out of Hell" reached its crescendo, there was an almighty bang, and we shot forward about 10 feet. Fortunately the car was an automatic and we were stopped with my foot just resting on the brake, so when we were hit the car moved and reduced some of the impact, and I was able to apply the brake again in time to stop us hitting the car in front.
Once I had quickly checked to make sure that everyone in the car was ok, I went to check on the occupants of the car that hit us. There was only one person in the car, and he was quite badly shaken, but otherwise unhurt. Once the traffic started to move, we crossed to the hard shoulder and got out to check the cars and, at that moment, two Highways Agency vehicles and a break-down truck pulled up behind us. They had been on their way to the accident ahead and had been stood-down just as they were approaching us, had seen the shunt and stopped to offer assistance. They were also in contact with an ambulance that was a couple of hundred yards behind them, so got them to stop and check everyone out.
We were lucky as the only injury was our autistic grandson, who had been in the rearmost seat at the time, hit himself on the nose with his PSP! He was more bothered about the fact that he had, as a result of the bump, pressed a wrong button on his game and had lost a "life" in his battle against some alien or other. The driver of the other car though was really shaken by it, and was even worse when we finally got the tail-gate open and he saw the kids and the wheelchair. And this is where the title for this post comes in........
My granddaughter, a VERY fashion conscious 12-year old, was amazed to see that the other driver, when they helped him to the side of the road, was wearing a skirt and long, flowing robes! It was all we could do to stop her from saying it loud enough for the poor man to hear, but we explained the reason to her - and no - he wasn't Scottish and wearing a kilt. It turned out that he was (I think) a Hindu, (to my shame I'm no expert on religions) and had been celebrating at a family gathering, and his family had travelled from all over the country. He was still in his "ceremonial dress" from this meeting, and if my assumption that he was Hindi is correct, then it is likely that they had been celebrating Diwali. Given the obviously deep religious beliefs that this poor chap had, then seeing the children in the back of the car and realising how close to injury they came, had given him a real shock. I did my best to tell him that everyone was ok, and that as far as the children were concerned they had just had an adventure and couldn't wait to tell their friends! I didn't mention that "the skirt" was going to be the main talking point of the story - I was going to have to explain to the kids that the outfit that he was wearing was quite normal for his religion and was somewhat akin to their "Sunday best".
Well, the outcome was that we were able to carry on with our journey, only another 150 miles, and after about two minutes driving the volume in the rear was back to where it had been prior to all the excitement. The other driver phoned me the next day, ironically just as I was checking the piece of paper with his details on to phone him, to apologise for any inconvenience that he had caused. He was fine and had been able to continue his journey about 15 minutes after us, and once the Highways guys had duck-taped the front of his car back together!
I'm really upset though, because the insurance company won't pay for my car to be repaired, as they say it's too old (8 1/2 years) and that it will have to be written off. It's a shame, as I've paid out over £1,000 in the last six months to get it exactly right for SWMBO and the wheelchair, yet the insurance company won't take this into consideration when they (eventually) get round to making me an offer. Obviously, as a matter of course, the first offer will be ridiculously low, and the advice from my insurers was to tell them that if they consider that to be the value of the vehicle, then they should go out and buy me a replacement! Time will tell as to the level of offer they are prepared to make. It's been over two weeks now since they took the car away and I've heard nothing yet, despite the fact that they papers they left me with state that they will make an offer within 10 days of picking up the car. I have got a replacement vehicle, but I can't get SWMBO into it without causing her pain, and there is no chance at all of getting her power chair into it without causing massive damage.
It remains to be seen how long they will take, but I'm not holding my breath!!!
Friday, 9 October 2009
Saturday, 3 October 2009
Half-way through the bacon butties the phone rang, and our neighbour asked us if we would like our gazebo back! He had been sitting in his conservatory enjoying the peace and quiet of a cup of tea and the newspaper, when a gust of wind picked up our gazebo, pulled the stays out of the ground and sent it sailing over our 2 meter fence and his even higher summerhouse. He told us that it performed a perfect somersault over the summerhouse knocking the pinnacle off and landed, upright if slightly bent, right in the middle of his lawn! The gazebo is a metal frame covered with a weather-proof top and heavyweight sides that, all in, weighs just over 42 kilos.
Now, I can fully appreciate that strong winds could do this, but that's where the title to this piece comes in. The B****y weatherman yesterday afternoon said that today would be "a day of mild temperatures, a few occasional sunny spells and a light breeze". We actually had a coldish day, with one sunny spell of about 10 minutes and a howling gale and in the village, we have had a tree blow over, a few large boughs in the roads, a couple of fences down and rubbish bins rolling down the streets. Right, this is most definitely NOT caused by a light breeze, and if we'd been given a decent forecast a lot of this could have been avoided.
The National Weather Bureau, or whatever it's called these days, needs a damn good kick up the A***. They have spent millions, if not tens of millions, of pounds on satellites, computers and God knows what else, yet most of the time can't even tell us with any accuracy the weather we had yesterday! How difficult can it be, given the technology that is available today, because 2o-odd years ago when I was in the RAF, we used to have more accurate forecasts. They needed to be as accurate as possible due to the flying activities that were going on, but the equipment that provided the information back then would only be found in a museum these days.
Maybe they should get it out again and give it to the weatherman/woman?
Monday, 28 September 2009
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Monday, 21 September 2009
Sunday, 13 September 2009
For the main, I am a mild-mannered, easy-going old fart that just likes to take things easy, have a laugh, and let the world go on in its own gentle way. I'm also a soft-touch (apparently) where my grandchildren are concerned. Sometimes though, it would be nice to have an outlet where I could just let my thoughts out instead of fuming silently or building up useless resentments.
Therefore, I have decided that this will be my outlet! Ostensibly because it is the best way to keep me out of trouble and give me something to do, but there's also the fact that it's free to take into account.
I have thought long and hard about what will and will not be put onto these pages, and I've come to the conclusion that sex, drugs, religion and politics will definitely not be omitted!
Actually, sod it! Whoever or whatever - it's all fair game.
One topic that will undoubtedly recur, will be disability. This is due to the fact that both SWMBO (She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed) and I are disabled, and there are a lot of injustices out there for disabled people. We are very lucky in that we have each other, and have the ability to find solutions to most of the problems that have occurred in our lives. There will probably be quite a bit of humorous stuff too, as life is far too short to take seriously for too long and a good laugh is often all it takes to brighten things up. In any case, I've got hundreds of pages of cartoons and jokes that people have sent me over the years, and it would be nice to do something with some of them. I may also be tempted to put up one or two photos from time to time, for no other reason than I like them. It's my blog, so there!
Whatever and however it turns out, I am working on the assumption that I am basically writing for myself, to myself and without an audience. That said, if you happen to chance by, I hope you will find the posts to be either thought provoking, humorous or something in between. Please feel free to comment on anything that I've written, and I apologise in advance for the fact that I will probably make a complete b****s-up of it at some stage. My grandchildren are trying to drag me into the 21st Century with laptops and mobile phones, but I'm quite comfy settled into the 3rd quarter of the 20th, thank you.
Mobile phones!!! Now there's a subject for at least a months supply of blogs. I have taken to the laptop computer (eventually) but still feel that the mobile phone is a total bloody nuisance. All mine seems capable of, is taking photos of the inside of my trouser pocket, (67 at the last count)! The only calls I get are from my kids who want me to pick up their kids or do some shopping for them whilst I'm out, or more annoyingly, other mobile operators trying to entice me to use their services with offers of call packages that I will neither use nor understand. Not the use that I had envisaged for it.
I only agreed to have one as we thought it would be useful for SWMBO to contact me if she had a problem when I was out at the shops or something. She is a full-time wheelchair user, with no sense of danger or impending doom, and has a tendency to attempt to do things that are beyond her capabilities on a fairly regular basis. This is not a new scenario, as she has been in a wheelchair for 15 years or so, so obviously she knows when she can do something herself - NOT! As a result, she has found herself on the floor more than once. This, inevitably, is a one-way journey, so I carry a mobile, pocket-photographing thing that I hate just in case.
Well, by now you should be getting an idea of my world.....but if you're not.....you will do if you return on a regular basis. The blogs will not be daily, but that's because I have other things to do, age is getting to me, and I'll probably forget that I've got a blog to write. After all, I managed to forget that I'd started this home page over a year ago!